Life's rule of thumb:
When you figure out what something is, it isn't
And, when you have no idea, you have learned.
When you find direction, you are moving away.
And, when you find yourself getting lost, you are coming closer to finding yourself.
Stop. Breath slowly and deeply. Look inside and become part of everything around you. All flows through you, and through all things you will flow.
You are already there.
-Jeremy Vann
Maybe you're looking for clarification. Maybe you're seeking insight into the topography of the current mental landscape. Maybe you want to know how I feel about the weather forecast for all of us floating here together in the ether. 
In a little over 4 weeks I've almost gotten used to the size of quarters. Wal-Mart has Trac-Ball. That's something to embrace. We are now taking suggestions for the TB League. No immunization necessary.
But maybe you want enlightened offerings from the inherent perspective gleaned from living somewhere else and then returning and driving across the country. Well, finding a great (Mini) bar to enjoy Palm at is hard here; however, Eggs Bendict is good anywhere, I'll tell you that right now. 
People get too involved with time. Making time, saving time, driving time... And there are so many obstacles that can get in your way. Other drivers or traffic lights, for instance. Maybe we could all just relax a little bit. Listen to Classical Gas on repeat. Wait. Scratch that last bit. That would lead to an increase in road rage.
Home is where you want it to be, e.g., a department store, canyon or truck. Where do you sleep best at night? In BB&B sheets? That's home to you then. The nice thing about that home is that you can have a deep fat fryer for breaded frozen cookie dough.
So go out and create your own reality. The loose ends will get sorted along the way. Get yourself sorted. Let those that you wish to have join you in on it know and have a blast. Goose Sponge-Bob if you want to. He's worked hard for that figure.
First of all, everyone needs to beware of the 'stache.
Seriously. Too much power.
Apparently no canyons around so it was time to assimilate into the BORG hanging around the Cacalacks' border for the Coca-Cola 600. I LOVE NASCAR.
"One must live the way one thinks, or end up thinking the way one has lived."
- Paul Borget
"The trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another chance." - Edwin Chapin
Like the Popcorn. Extra butter flavor please.
Pics of UT eventually. I live out of my truck.
Now a certified ACA Canyon Guide. No employment, but at least I have a vocation. It makes me look quasi-responsible. I live out of my truck.
Fire me up!
Getting close. Coming back to drive on the other side of the road. Seeing all you crazies on the video-conference feed of the techno-savvy US of A. 
Just calm down will you? No need to be in such a rush. It will take me negative hours to fly on over. As in 45 minutes I'll be moving back in time.
So soak this one up and keep it firing around on your synapses:
That is all. Tusen takk for sauer og Jonno.
Let's recap a little, but first some unpleasant business:
My camera can now be found in Japan. Those lovely folks in Christchurch decided to send it away on suspicion of having gone deeper than 1.5m. Not true! Also, no permission was asked under the full knowledge of my soon leaving (look a gerund!) the country. [Insert pity party here]
So:
Number of 12-Mile descents: TBD
Number of Routeburn descents: TBD
Number of Hematomas: 1
Number of Hyperextended knees: 1
Number of jammed fingers: 3
Number of dislocations in NZ: 0
Number of internal bruises: 2
Number of limbs free of injury whilst canyoneering: 1
Number of hearts broken: ?
Number of coffees ordered in Glenorchy: >80
Number of Veggie wraps eaten in Glenorchy: <10 :(
Any questions?
Winding up with no stop apparent for trips. Large one-guide groups, plenty of water with the rain and the saturated soil and the... Tick-tock Tick-tock, much to do...
And the work continues at a steady pace. Yet, today I got to bear witness to another of the numerous activities to engage the self in around Queenstown: The Canyon Swing (The world's largest swing)
It is important to remain consistent and I maintain that any similarities borne out in the photo of myself and of the jumper are but a mere coincidence. I mean, you've seen what wizardry is possible on celluloid. At least give me the benefit of the doubt.
Please?
First off I'd like to pass the time. You know, waste some space.
Now with that out of the way, let's clear the mind of all office/school/work trivialities and discuss what is really important. Discuss the nature of reality as we know it and how we're all part of the giant spaceship. I'd like to sound like the rantings from a Dr. Bronner's soap bottle. I'd like to make a hat in the style of those outdoor propane heaters. Wearing a gas tank on my back, I would be the life of the party! I could keep scantily clad women all around me even in the coldest of winter nights and serve a nice smoked gouda cream sauce with foccacia bread. But let's move on:
Some places are still nice.
Now although the shoes have been retired...
...I still go canyoning (canyoneering). We leave Queenstown...
...and drive...
...past the bluff...
...and past the glare of the bald into the Routeburn valley...
...I understand that -burn is a Scottish word meaning river or valley and that saying Routeburn valley is somewhat redundant, so let's talk about something more esoteric: (NB: ZB)
Up in Mt. Aspiring National Park, they allow recreational fishing. What do they fish for you ask? Brown trout. No standard fish hook method, but you have to use a fly rod and it has to be catch and release b/c it's quite easily accessible by car. I hope that those driving check their oil before beginning the trip.
Time to cleanse the palate:
Sometimes they even let me leave Queenstown!:
And drive up the coast:
Or to the fjords:
That is all. Takk for mej.
With Choo-Choo Charley and his right arm tan!
The folks with Pentax say they'll get my camera back to me before the impending end of the world. Before then we'll get pictures of identical clouds in valleys as well as my new idea for an outdoor heating hat. We'll be the life of the cold outdoor party! Or maybe not, as the patent application may not have been submitted. But you can imagine it in your own special mind.
We'll be matching the synchronous with the a- as you do. And becoming enlightened as we realize how little is understood. We'll be smiling more frequently. We may even be out from the in communicado instilled from the tranquility found in lawn bowling with any luck.
Much love!
The "Rock" station down here has been conducting a countdown of the top 1000 'rock' songs of all time. Number 306 was Van Halen's JUMP. One might ask how a song could possibly be better than that song. I disavow the friendship of anyone that would ask that question.
Or one might assume that all songs then following would be better than this song. I, however, being more cynical than the rest, know that I will now be force-fed the likes of Blaze of Glory, or worse, Simply Irresistible.
Now there is no telling where the money went, I understand, but I'm the colt in your stable; I'm what Cain was to Abel, and unless I hear some FYC soon, heads may roll.
"Come on Feel the Noise..."
Update: Number 255 was Shine on You Crazy Diamond. How dare they! To say that there are 254 better is inflammatory.
Update and Finale: A correction is in order. The list was not of the best of all time, but of the best in New Zealand. And whereas before I would have directed criticism towards some corporate entity deciding the outcome, this was voted on by and is the complete responsibility of Kiwis at large. My disappointment now permeates this whole country; it has let me down.
We come together:
An incomplete (and growing) list, In the Southern Hemisphere
- Light switches are 'switched' down to turn on.
- Hot on the right, Cold on the left.
- North is South. East is West.
- Brakes on Bicycles are Reversed. Like ATVs.
- Lefty Tighty, Righty Loosy.
- Man in the Moon is on his head.
- People STOP for you in pedestrian crosswalks.
- Orange is Blue.
- The Coriolis Effect. It's true.
- Look right, then left, then right again.
- Bon Jovi is still respected as a musician.
BTW, I walked around in neoprene shorts for a while, jumped in the lake with fins, goggles, snorkel, and found my keys. The watch still works. Unlike my camera. Pentax is going to mail me an 'International Warranty' card which has the same conditions as the original warranty. But in the Southern Hemisphere...
That's right. Starting at Noon-Thirty-ish. On a Monday. By the way, one is supposed to 'Shoot' on 'Three.' None of this 1,2,3,shoot.
It was the day I lost my keys - house and bike lock.
Why on Earth would I run into a fish or an eel? Apparently if you're bit by an eel and would like to reclaim that which the eel bit, you are supposed to keep pushing down the throat due to the projection of their teeth. But I'm way ahead in the story.
I went running, as I am wont to do, reaching little Thailand, a cliff dropping into Lake Wakatipu, ~17 min. after leaving the house. Some locals were hanging out at the highest jump (probably around 45 ft.) and they agreed to drop my shoes off in Sunshine Bay (used to be called Sandfly Bay). So I decided to swim the slightly less than 1/2 mile back to my shoes. Jumped in the lake, and decided that next time I won't wear a shirt. About half-way was the fish or eel and my watch came off along with my keys.
Ran back home (another 20 min or so) then to the football game. I write football, b/c everyone should know that the only real football is football as God-fearing Americans know it. None of that sissy European what have you. I was looking forward to not having to ask someone to explain the game to me, but then I had to return the favor. And none of the commercials. Never again SuperMonday. Super is for Sundays, not Mondays.
This poem is direct from the brain of a one Olivia Kalb, age 11.
The excited sky
An excited sky has marshmallow clouds.
An excited sky has shimmering stars.
An excited sky has an evil looking sun.
An excited sky has a glowing moon.
But an upset sky cries with wet rain.
Or is it One, Two, Three then Shoot? I can't answer these questions.
So the camera has made up its mind not to be waterproof anymore. It did not let me know before we went swimming last, and now the camera seems to be quite upset with me. As in incommunicado. Nothing. I threw rock, it threw paper.
So the lovely people at Pentax can expect some lovely writing from me about warranties and the strong desire of the Masses to have more photos or poetry which needs to be satisfied.
Otherwise, meditate on negative space. How the song is beautiful for the notes that aren't in it. How the canyon is beautiful for where the rock isn't. You know, the aggregates. Have at it.
Hope it's good out there.
